Happy Thanksgiving...End of another Semester...Merry Christmas...Susan Mortensen Turley!!!!

So I have been a slacker.  I promised to post more often and well, I need to work on keeping my promises.  Well, we got to spend our Thanksgiving in Arizona with our family, although it was short, it was so much fun.  The weather was amazing!  The food was fantastic!  The family was just what we needed!  Its weird when we are in Arizona it just feels so comfortable and familiar and this trip I heard my husband say something he never says, “...I think I miss Arizona”  But as we left and got closer to Provo, it really felt like, “Ok, I just can't wait to get home and into my bed!”  I think it made me realize that home is where your family is, our family is in Arizona but now it is in Utah as well.  Jose, Jeter, Eva and I we are a little family!  Is that a crazy revelation or what!  I mean we are coming to our 1st year wedding anniversary, I guess I should figure out by now that home is Jose!

Coming home from Arizona and having to deal with the end of the semester has a duality of feeling.  Happy that it is almost over and to be done (for Jose) with those class and Anxiety that the end is here and he had so much to catch up on.  This semester has been challenging and difficult.  There is so much pressure placed on pre-med students.  Not just with classes but with extra-curricular activities, such as working on talents and service and how you will look on your applications.  The competition is fierce and well it will be for sometime.  I mean there is no real end in sight and sometimes it feels like so much.  Jose is not really one of those cut throat people that only thinks of himself and how he could get ahead.  I know this is what will make him a wonderful physician one day, but it will be his challenge as we deal with other cut throat individuals in this field.  Pray for us that we may always keep the best perspective.

So upon us is the Christmas season.  To be quite honest I was never really fond of the season, not necessarily the Savior's birth and what Christmas is, but what others have made it to be.  The demanding of a particular gift, at times children insistent that they “need” to receive a particular gift.  People counting gifts and making sure that they have the most gifts.  It just breaks and saddens my heart.  I guess this is what made me stress out during this season.  Thank goodness, I have ALWAYS had my family, so in reality I have never lacked for anything.  This year the sentiment rings more true than ever.  I have my family in Arizona and those friends that are like family spread all over.  But this year I have so much more, I have MY family, what an amazing gift this has been for me.  Jose my forever friend, Jeter our most loyal companion and Eva our gift from God.  I don't know exactly what the New Year will bring but I know what this holiday will bring and we are going to start our own family traditions.  It will be a humble Christmas, so to speak, no “gifts” but I know it will be the best.  We have fun activities planned and lots of treats for us...chocolate abuelita, winters snow, christmas movies, christmas cookies, christmas lights and decorating.  We are grateful for Skype as we know it will bring us closer to our family that is so far away!  

As some of you might know a friend of ours recently passed away after a short and difficult battle with cancer, she was only 25 years old.  She has been a great source of inspiration for me and I hope to share some of her with you, that she maybe a source of inspiration to you as well.  Her name is Susan Mortensen Turley, she was just married earlier this year, she would have celebrated her 1st year wedding anniversary this January.  I wanted to share some of the talk her father gave at her service last week.  Jose and I could not be there due the fact that it was in Tempe but her family was generous to share with everyone else the spirit that was in that chapel that day.  Here is some of what her father talked about.  Please read it and ponder, the Love that our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ has for us and feel his spirit testify that to you!  Con Amor!  Los Pena

...As a part of our life here on earth, we will make mistakes, we will make choices contrary to God’s commandments. We know from biblical prophets that no unclean thing can enter back into God’s presence. In order that we might be clean, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ to teach us how to live, and to atone for our sins so that justice and mercy might have equal sway in our eternal judgment. God’s promise to us is that if we follow Christ’s way and live in the way that He directs us through His Light, the Holy Spirit, His teachings, and those called under His authority, that we will be clean through Christ’s atonement. At the end of our mortal lives, we can return to live with God, our Heavenly Father and continue to learn from Him and grow. From Faith, comes action. From an early age, Susan understood this concept. She understood that if we live by faith in God, that all would be eternally well and good. As she said in her last message posted on her blog – “I have learned that a lot of things in life just don't go the way we plan. This is by no fault of our own.” As we exercise our faith in God, His perfect eternal vision and perfect care for us will deliver us home to Him. On the earth, when God impacts our lives, whether directly or through another person, our responsibility is to act or change, to not be the same person. We are here today in remembrance of Susan’s life. Having the privilege of knowing her for all of her 25 years, I believe that one thing she would want us to do is to make changes in our lives that reflect her legacy. Let me relate an experience that illustrates that. The day before she died, I was privileged to listen to the last telephone conversation she had. She wanted to speak with a dear friend. She was weak, unable to speak above a whisper, but as this friend started to end the call, she said, “Don’t hang up, I need to tell you one more thing. Never forget who you are. Always remember the things that we talked about.”

That is our challenge – Don’t hang up on Susan. The reason you are here is because you loved her and want to remember her. Her impact on your life needs to include this knowledge. Never forget that we are indeed God’s children, that His way is the best way, and that when He acts in our lives, our responsibility is to respond in faith, love and joy to His actions. If that means change our habits, we should change our habits. If that means to go to church, we should go to church. If that means to be kinder, gentler, more loving in our family, we should do that. If that means that we stop telling God what He should do, and instead be faithful in accepting what He is teaching us, we should do that.

In time, the intensity that we feel at Susan’s passing may fade. It is natural, our lives are busy, we move on. The intensity will return when a picture jogs our memory, or when a thought comes to our mind. Perhaps tears will come at that moment. However, what should not fade from our lives is the change to our very souls that we feel at this moment. What should not change is the impact of the Holy Spirit that you feel right now, this very moment. The action that you should take is to cement the changes to your soul that God is prompting you to do right now. Because you don’t understand everything, you may hesitate. I urge you to take the action of committing to yourself to move forward in faith and diligence. Because He has perfect, eternal vision, God will answer all of our faithful prayers, not always in the way that we wanted, but in the way that will best help us to achieve our eternal potential. All of us prayed for Susan’s health and recovery from cancer. Instead of the removal of her cancer, God answered our prayers for her with by increasing her understanding, with the giving her the ability to bear the pain, with greater strength for her to carry on and endure in faith to the end. He healed her eternal soul. As the apostle Paul said,

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure …, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, …
 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 

I love this verse in the book of Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God….”

Christ said, “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst”… and He also said through the prophet Isaiah,

18  And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.
9 … weep no more: he will be very gracious unto thee at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he will answer thee.
0 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, … thine eyes shall see thy teachers:
1 And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.

 Susan and all of us hoped and prayed for her freedom from cancer. Through the grace of God, Susan found freedom and teaching above the everyday, above the mundane, leading to eternity. Our task is to do likewise, with whatever opportunity God places in our path, to follow the promptings that He sends to us, to learn for ourselves, and experience that joy described so often by those of faith in Christ.

Listen to the words of faith, diligence and action from Jeffrey R. Holland

…the tests of life are tailored for our own best interests, and all will face the burdens best suited to their own mortal experience. In the end we will realize that God is merciful as well as just and that all the rules are fair. We can be reassured that our challenges will be the ones we needed, and conquering them will bring blessings we could have received in no other way.

If we constantly focus only on the stones in our mortal path, we will almost surely miss the beautiful flower or cool stream provided by the loving Father who outlined our journey. Each day can bring more joy than sorrow when our mortal and spiritual eyes are open to God’s goodness. Joy in the gospel is not something that begins only in the next life. It is our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens—even if some days it doesn’t seem so. Jesus said, ‘I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’ Enjoy those blessings right now. They are yours and always will be.”  I testify that God, our Heavenly Father, lives. I know that He sent His Son to teach us God’s way, to atone for our sins, and to enable our own resurrection, just as He was resurrected. Of the truth of these things, I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Eva's first photo op - Jose's Birthday!

Friday we had the most amazing experience!  Some wonderful, anonymous person and quite inspired I might add, bought us an ultrasound appointment with a place in Salt Lake called Fetal Foto's.  What they do is take 2-D, 3-D and 4-D photos prenatally, its like a prenatal photo session.  We were able to see our baby Eva.  At first she was uncooperative and not wanting to show us her face, just her back.  But it seemed the ultrasound tech had some tricks up her sleeve and got Eva to move.  There in started the photo session.  She was beautiful, here are only a few pictures.  They gave us a disc with 52 pictures on it, a DVD with the whole session on it and 22 pictures for us to see right away.  These that I posted are one 2-D where she is sticking her tongue out and a 3-D where she has her little hands folded in front of her.  You can see her whole face and nose and lips.

It was the most amazing experience.  We still don't know who the generous friend was but it was the most wonderful thing to see our baby.  These may be one of many pictures or photo sessions we get of Eva even after she is born or the only photo session we will get.  Either way, it is amazing to now have a photo album of our baby!  She did so many cute things, she was grabbing her toes, the umbilical cord, she was opening her mouth to swallow and she was playing with her lip with her tongue.  She even yawned during the session, apparently it was running to long for my princess. You could see her little cleft in her lip, I think when she stuck her tongue out she was playing with her cleft!

At first we did not know what to expect or what we would feel like in seeing her.  But once we got to see her move and boy did she move, it just felt like "...that's our baby and she's perfect"  I was overcome with emotion.  We came home that night and watched the ultrasound DVD again.  We are so excited to be home for Thanksgiving and sharing these pictures and the ultrasound DVD with everyone!

We love you all.  Words could not express the gratitude we feel for this opportunity to see and enjoy Eva this way.  Thank you to you who so generously gave to us.  Please know that this gift will not be forgotten nor will we take for granted your generosity.  Jose and I look forward to the day when we will be able to "pay it forward".

Happy Birthday Jose (Daddy)!!!

Con Amor - Los Pena

Ushering in a new Era

I’m not a real Michael Moore fan; he has always been a bit too liberal for my blood but to quote him…

“We really don't have much time. There is big work to do. But this is the week for all of us to revel in this great moment. Be humble about it. Do not treat the Republicans in your life the way they have treated you the past eight years. Show them the grace and goodness that Barack Obama exuded throughout the campaign. Though called every name in the book, he refused to lower himself to the gutter and sling the mud back. Can we follow his example? I know, it will be hard.”

I know it will be hard, but I know that as we are conscious of how hard it will be we can do it. Last night has Jose and I watched John McCain speak we absolutely gained a renewed respect for him. Throughout the campaign, it was difficult to watch anything that the Republicans put on TV or to listen to any of their speeches due to the “mud slinging”. It seemed as if hate, prejudice and stereotype were going to dominate this election. However, gracefully John McCain congratulated Barack and reminded his supports and his party that we must be united; he vowed his support of OUR next president. Although, I have supported McCain in the past, I have never felt him equipped for the presidency, regardless of his time in politics, but last night he showed his true American spirit and his leadership qualities (I’m not sure about his supports at that rally however).

We, however, felt redemption, for all of us that come from “the Southside or the Westside” of cities across America, for all of us hyphen Americans that were born of immigrant parents, we felt redemption. This morning Jose and I listen to Barack’s 2004 speech at the DNC, he was the keynote speaker at that convention, and he was the relatively unknown Senator from Illinois. It moved us again; every time we hear him speak we are moved. I know for me he renews my sense of and need for accomplishment. Anything is possible, not just because of the color of his skin, but because of where he came from he did not come from privilege, and he did not have the easy road paved out for him. This kid born of an immigrant father and American mother made his own way, from Columbia University to Harvard Law always with the loving support of his family, the cornerstone of ANY success. I think to myself this could be anyone of my nephews and nieces, younger cousins, this could be anyone of my children; this could be Jose and I, any of our siblings. Life can make you cynical, you see that the road is too hard, filled with too many challenges and we can feel ill equipped so we give up at times. Barack ushers in a new era of hope, the hope that we at times feel is missing as we go on in our day to day lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I don't put all my hope in this man nor do I feel he is the only inspiration I or my family needs. I know that the real hope lies in our Savior Jesus Christ, I know that peace, love, and the caring for our neighbors is all a foundation of Christ’s teachings. But I also know that the Lord puts people in our lives to carry out his work. We all have that opportunity to be Christ-like, the challenge to be Christ-like. Judging not. I don’t know nor do I believe that Barack will solve all of this nations problems but I do know what his campaign meant and how his words have inspired positivity and unity. We will now look forward, on to his presidency with optimism, with inclusion. Barack has acknowledged that it was truly the people whose voices were heard, last night November 4, 2008!

Dr. Nance

Last Friday we had our appointment with our OB, Dr. Steven Nance. We are so glad that he is our OB, he has been a big support to Jose and I, in every decision that we have made so far. He is hopeful of Eva, he doesn’t tell us that everything will be ok or that it won’t he is just hopeful and that is exactly what we need to hear at our appointments.

We heard Eva’s heartbeat and it is strong! He measured me and said that I’m measuring right on. As of right now we don’t know when we will deliver her, ideally when she is ready. Induction is not out of the question, it does remain an option but as with everything else, we are taking things one day at a time. I am feeling much better these days.Oh…as always keep us in your prayers; we thank our Heavenly Father every night for our family and our friends that have been so wonderful and supportive! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

Angel Watch

Last night I met with the representative of Angel Watch, the program that was recommended to Jose and I by the hospital.  They are set up to help families that are dealing with diagnosis like ours in the prenatal stage.  This meeting was supposed to last only an hour and went on for about 3 and no it was not just me talking.  Although I was doing the majority of it but only answering the questions...LOL!  We talked mostly about how Jose and I and how we are dealing with Eva's diagnosis.  I was prepared for all business when she came, I guess I thought I would meet with someone that was going to help me plan for everything that would be happening to us upon Eva's birth but what I got was someone that could help us understand what we were feeling, first.  What we might be feeling and reacting to but not acknowledging.  We spent most of the time talking about where we came from (Jose and I), our relationship, dating, marriage, our families, how many in our family, our individual relationships, and our past experiences.  I guess she (the Angel Watch lady) was really trying to get to know who we were and in what way we would need help.  She gave us some tools to help us deal with our situation, suggestions, on how to talk, what to talk about, what our expectations are of this baby, baby Eva.  She asked something really poignant, to each of us, she asked what our hopes were for Eva and what are fears were for her.  She gave me information on how we could create memories with Eva, even though she wasn’t born yet.  She left us with some homework and we said we would meet again to go over more logistical stuff in regards to the birth etc..

I think for Jose and I it is easy to sort of put aside what we are going through at times so that we could “be normal”.  But its all still there, no nursery, no stroller, no planning her outfits.  Sometimes the house feels baby-less.  I have some of the things my sister and mom gave me in the spare room, the little bears and blankets, too.  But its in another room and the door is mostly closed.  The whole thing with our situation is that we don't know what is really going to happen.  We just know she is not "whole" and because of that there will be problems, and the greatest possibility of a very short life, again, what kind, we don't know, exactly. I know what Jose and I need to do is deal with the situation as it is, that is where we struggle, its hard to talk about out loud sometimes.  Feelings, they are hard to just blurt out..."I'm having a lousy day today because I want to be so happy that I am having a baby but I can't!!!"  Days go by and it passes and Eva kicks me into shape, reminding me to focus on her.  She is Diaz-Alvarez!  She is a woman in charge!

I realized that the days after my appointments are the most difficult because those are the days that everything is so real.  Those are the days that I am reminded that this is not a “normal” pregnancy.  That the diagnosis is real, that Eva is really sick.  This is where “the funk” comes in, where I want to turn around and blame myself, where I keep thinking of what I could have done or what I did to bring this on.  I have to admit, for me being a talker, it is difficult for me to talk, and especially about the negative feelings I might be having.  The blog helps.  It is easier to write these things than it is to admit them out loud.  I am not a poet nor do I posses musical talent or paint or dance (not well, anyway) but I guess I can write about what we/I am going through.  Nonetheless people, I want to say I am not superwoman and I am not made of steel.  I know I can break from this, I guess I am just needing everyone, including myself to handle us with care.  I think we need love, kindness, thoughtfulness, attention, everything you all have been helping us with.  We love you our family and friends.  Those of you not afraid of us, not afraid of hard things and hard situations.  Thank you!  You all are our Angels too!

Ultrasound Update

So this last Friday I had another ultrasound and met with the Maternal-Fetal doctor. Eva gained another pound; she was 1lb 12oz, so pretty close to 2lbs already. She only weighed about 12oz about 5 weeks ago. Her heart beat was great 156bpm and all her organs looked good and growing, I even saw some urine in her bladder. They measured her arms and her legs we saw her feet too, they look big like her daddy’s. And then, we looked at the brain and how it was developing and it looked the same, we could see the fused thalami and they showed me how a portion of her brain seemed to be missing. They also were able to show me her little cleft lip; they said that this is the facial abnormality that goes with the diagnosis. She was moving a lot during the ultrasound which was so weird to feel her twitch and see it on the big screen as well.
I spoke in detail with the doctor about all the information I had received regarding HPE and the clinical nurse I had spoken to in Texas with the Carter Centers. As well as the parents I had spoken to that were given the same diagnosis and their children. She was pretty clear that Eva could live as long as 8 weeks but she really had never seen any baby go beyond that, she told me that it is in rare cases that children survive beyond that. She admitted that she has not seen every HPE baby but the ones she has diagnosed, particularly with alobar holoprosencephaly (Eva’s diagnosis) have not lived. She wasn’t dismissive of my wanting to know more or of the information that I shared but nonetheless you still feel like you are going it alone. She reassured me that whatever the outcome UVRMC (the hospital that we are delivering at) had a wonderful and up to date NICU. We talked about Angel Watch, who I will be meeting with tonight. They will help me plan for everything; that includes from how to deliver to after delivery and depending on how Eva is doing whether we will be able to take her home or not and what kind of help is available. We also talked about delivery dates and I insisted that we would like to have her as far along as we can. Again, no concrete answers which we expected that, this is a complicated diagnosis and waiting is about the only thing we can do and plan the best we can with the information we have. Jose tells me that we only use 2% of our brain and if an adult had a brain injury that took out most of the brain (like with Eva) they would not be able to relearn everything they had lost. But with Eva she hasn’t learned anything and the brain is still pretty much a mystery. We don’t know what she might be missing if anything. I’m not sure what consolation this really is, but it brings hope.

However, I realize that leaving those appointments does affect me, I guess they are a reality check of what we are dealing with, some days I feel so strong and others I want to be carried. I guess Friday was one of the “carry me” days. I have to admit that I struggle with wanting to know why, “why exactly did this happen to her?” And as her mother and the one that is carrying her, the inevitable question of, “what did I do?” I know this is where my faith is challenged and tried. It is when you feel so responsible and helpless at the same time. As I stated before I have an appointment tonight with the Angel Watch people and another ultrasound on November 19th. Aside from the fibroids, which looked in good position, they have grown but are in good position. The next ultrasound will be monitoring Eva's head and brain, they worry with these children that fluid might devolop and cause the brain to swell, which will make delivery a problem. So they will monitor it to make sure that we will not have to deliver earlier than planned.

Family, friends, Jose and I need your prayers. Pray for us, that we may always be able to accept the Lord’s will; whether it is that Eva will live with us for some time and will have special needs or be it that we only meet her to say goodbye. Thank you for your thoughtful emails and messages they mean a lot to us!

Some new HoPE!

Jose and I have just been so overwhelmed with the mercy and love the Lord has shown us through our family and church members (local family). As you could imagine every day I feel as though I need to get my mind wrapped around our situation with the baby. I have felt that I just need to get more answers then I have been getting from any doctors. On Thursday of last week I had someone send me a link to a website that dealt specifically with holoprosencephaly or HPE. I was, to say the least, blown away. There I found parent after parent with similar stories to ours but their children did not die soon after, they do have problems that are associated with HPE, severe problems. I don't know if this makes sense, but a surge of hope went through me as well as a surge of "...ok, how are we going to do this? How do I even begin to prepare for this? Did God pick the right mother?" You can't even imagine! Well this website led me to do some more online research and led me to other websites that I had heard referred to over and over again. One of them was the Carter Centers; they are the worlds foremost on HPE diagnosis. This morning I was able to speak to one of the nurses for the center, that other mom's had referred me too, her name is Nancy Clegg. She seemed to recount my story even before I had told her what the doctors had said. She told me that the reality is that, HPE in itself is not a deadly diagnosis, but it is the array of problems that could accompany it, at that varies from patient to patient. She told me that even they, who are the world’s experts on HPE, could not tell us what the outcome, exactly, would be for our child. Baby Eva has been diagnosed with Alobar HPE, which is the most severe of the 3 degrees of HPE, but even then there are children living with HPE that are in there teens, although rare, I feel that I have more questions for my physicians about that end of the scenario.
Please keep HoPE with us and continue praying with us. That the Lord will give us strength to except His will and that he will give us strength to still ask for help.

I have some websites I would love to share with you:
www.holoprsencephaly.net (go to the Meet the Kids section)
http://hpe.stanford.edu/ (go to Support & Resources then Family Pages section)
http://ourbabysean.info/
http://wearethesimmons.blogspot.com/ (there little boy is Jack)
www.familesforHoPE.org

Here are some messages that mom’s of HPE kids have sent me:

Hi!My name is Tonya. My son Kai is turning 3 this Feb! He has the same dx of Alobar HPE.My advice is take 1 day at a time and trust your instincts, and follow your heart.Take care and enjoy your pregnancy, Tonya
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Gabby,Welcome to the group. I wish you did not have to find us, but please know that you have come to a very good place to ask questions and find answers, suggestions, and advice. You will not find a more caring and generous group.HPE has historically had a poor prognosis, but there is actually a very wide range of affectedness. Modern medicine has improved survival somewhat, although many medical professionals are still not aware of this. The parents and others on this list can attest to the fact that there are many children with every level of this anomaly, including alobar, surviving and enjoying life. There is no way of knowing ahead of time what will happen.
Have you contacted the Carter Centers yet? That would be my first suggestion. They are the world's top experts in HPE, and will know more than your doctor. Nancy Clegg there will answer any email or speak to you by phone and is a wonderful source of information and comfort. You can also read many families' stories there.www.stanford. edu/group/ hpe/Nancy.Clegg@ tsrh.org
Best of luck to you in this is a hard time. Keep us posted.Susan, mom of Beth, 20, lobar
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Gabby, I only have a minute, but I wanted to tell you, as others have, youare not alone. My son is Jack, and we were told he had semi lobar HPE at 27weeks. He had hydrocephalus, and a cleft lip too. They gave us NO hope. Hewas born 5 weeks early, and just after he was born, we discovered they werewrong about the HPE. We sent his MRI to Carter Centers, and were told he hadholodiencephaly too. (like Corrine).Jack is doing so well now. He is 2 and a half. It seems like yesterday, whenI sent an email just like yours to this group. At that time there was nooneelse here in Utah. I felt very alone, but these ladies were such a HUGEsupport to me. Joey, is in this group too, she lives in Sandy, I live inMurray and we would be both happy to get together with you, if you want.Primary Childrens is an AMAZING place. We have spent LOTS of time up there.Jack was delivered at St Marks, and they were amazing too. Do you know whereyou plan to deliver? My advise would be, somewhere with the highest levelNICU.Please know, most of us have been where you are. And we are here for younow. My email is ********** email me anytime.-- :-) Jenny
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Those are just some of the emails I received. I received a total of 9 within an 1 hour all sharing their experience with HPE diagnosis. I have so many more daily from parents.
I have an ultrasound appointment this Friday and I want to share some of these things with my doctors and ask more in depth questions. I still feel like all of this is way out of my realm of knowledge and ability but I know that Eva has only one earthly advocate right now and it’s her parents! I struggle at times to understand why Heavenly Father has chosen me to be her mother, I feel so small. But she Eva gives me this fighting power I just didn’t know I had in me, I didn't expect to love someone so much that you haven't even met yet! Regardless of how long we get to have her in our lives I want to know, I want her to know that I did all that I could to take care of her.
Thank you always for your love and prayers!
Los Peña

After our ultrasound...

Well, Jose and I got another ultrasound on September the 12th and we had some conflicting news that day.  As some of you know and as I've mentioned in my last post, I have been dealing with uterine fibroids.  My ultrasound was to see how the baby was doing but more so to see where and in what position my fibroids were in and why they were causing me so much pain.  The ultrasound confirmed position of the fibroids, which was favorable.  We found out we are having a little girl.  However, the ultrasound also found that our little girl has a severe birth defect called holoprosencephaly, it is a brain defect.   They explained to us that they would not know exactly her condition upon birth but that she would not survive past infancy.  The news has been quite devastating and has definitely tested our faith.

The doctors did give us the option of terminating the pregnancy but it was not really an option for Jose and I.  In subsequent ultrasounds we had seen our daughter move, in the ultrasound of the 12th we had seen her move and breath and we saw her strong little heart.  She is real.  Lately we have felt her move more, in the morning she moves the most, it has been amazing to feel her little kicks or punches.  I know this little one was meant to be mine and Jose's baby.  She chose us to be her parents!  I feel blessed if only to know that much.  So we have decided to carry her as long as we possibly can.  We have named her Eva Isabel Pena.  Baby Eva.

It has now been a little over 3 weeks since we received our news, we have gotten a little more information.  They did tell us that she could live for a few hours, days or months.  It does make it more difficult to make definite plans.  But I do long to hold my daughter.  We've been offered support from the hospital on developing a birth plan.  They have offered counseling when we need it, as well as the choice to speak with other couples that have gone through the same thing. 

Jose and I have been blessed with amazing families!  They have been comforters, they have been supporting and loving!  We could not ask for more that we have received from our families.  It has been quite a challenge to be dealing with this and being so far away in Utah but here to, we found, we have been blessed.  Our ward has been wonderful and helpful.  Because of the fibroid pain, there are times that I literally can do nothing but sit or lay.  I have had sisters in my ward offer to cook and clean for me and Jose or simply come and keep me company.  I have been feeling better in these last couple of weeks and I went back to work.  But I am grateful that the help is there when we need it.

I never imagined going through something like this, Jose and I had a plan.  Well its funny that we can plan all that we want but the plan meant for us is not always what we think.  I will have my good days and I will have my bad days, I know.  But at this time I just ask that our friends and our family think of us, pray for us and Baby Eva.  We can feel your love and prayers, believe me!

I will try to post more often, I will try to add pictures.  Thank you for your friendship, love and suppport.

Los Pena

15 Week old baby Pena

End of summer...start of a new semeter!

So Jose really didn't have a summer away from Provo. We did get to go camping, which was so much fun, we went hiking in Provo canyon, took in some holiday parades and we did all of this with NO camera, smart, huh?  We are looking at our camera options and hopefully will get it ASAP, before the baby comes.  Jose took spring term and summer term, he did get a two week break but basically worked full-time during that break.   I got to go to AZ this summer for two weeks to visit my family in Tucson and his in Phoenix, time seemed to fly by and I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see.  I drove A LOT!  I missed my husband like crazy!  I don't think we will ever spend that much time away from each other again!  I was so anxious to go home to AZ that I didn't realize how much I would miss Jose.  When I got back we got to go to California to visit my sister and to check out Loma Linda School of Medicine.  We had a great time at my sister and brother-in-law's.  She threw us a little BBQ and invited some of her friends, she has such wonderful friends and we really felt welcomed into their circle.

We had a few challenging months early on where we were certainly tested.  It took us a little bit to realize that we just needed to work harder on strengthening our faith and serve more.  We are so grateful for how well cared for, we feel extremely blessed.  All of our prayers were answered and our worries seemed for nothing, the Lord has cared for us and continues to do so.  Jose got a great job at the MTC, teaching Portuguese.  We received the grants we we're hoping for from financial aid and he was dually rewarded for his dedication to his studies with an academic scholarship!  I am so proud of my husband!  This semester is going to be a tough one, he has 8 classes, work and well a pregnant wife!  Whatever happens we know that as long as we do our best and continue to serve, we will be happy.

The pregnancy is coming along, we found out that I have quite a few fibroids growing in the lining of my uterus, at first I was scared cause I didn't know what that was or how it would affect the baby.  So far things have been normal, I just am getting bigger faster.  So I'm dealing with the usual pregnant lady stuff, back pain, swollen feet (sometimes), I'm tired etc...  I do have to recognize my limits and that has been challenging cause I always feel like I have so much to do and forget I'm pregnant.  This weekend the doctor did put me on bed rest, I guess to remind me that I am pregnant.  We get an other ultrasound next friday to see if everything continues to be ok with the baby and to see how the fibroids are developing.  I will try to keep everyone informed on our progress and I will try to put up as many pictures as I can.  Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and love.  

Day to day

Not too much has transpired since my last blog.  On July 9th I had a birthday, so when my little one is born I'll be 33 years old going on 34!  As of yesterday we are 11 weeks pregnant and things seem to be going well and normal.  So as you may or may not know that means mood swings are in full effect, back aches have begun to be a daily thing, frequent urination, being so tired at the end of the day you wish you could take naps about every hour.  All the normal stuff, I have been very fortunate that I have not had any "morning sickness"  some nausea here and there but it is very light and manageable, thank you mom!  Our dog Jeter is always following me around and always wanting to lay on my belly.  He is such a sweetheart and I can see will be a little protector for our baby!  Jose finished his spring term and is now in the middle of his summer term, school is challenging and a lot of work but Jose seems to be keeping up and doing a great job.  I'm told that the second trimester is going to be my more productive of the trimesters, so I'm looking forward to maybe being a little more clear in my thinking and to getting my memory back.  I've been so forgetful lately.  

Our life otherwise is quite normal and non dramatic.  Things are good!  We know that once our little one comes life as we know it will change!

And then there were three...

So 

we find ourselves further down our adventure than we expected, but very happy nonetheless! Today we went to doctor and confirmed our newest member of the family. Jose and I are about 9 weeks pregnant today and very excited about our little one.

We were very excited to start our family right away not expecting that right away meant 4 months into our marriage. We know that we have a long road ahead of us and lots of wonderful and trying times on that road. I want to be able to take you all with us as we go along. We can always use your love and prayers.

Besos,

Los Peña

Welcome Blogspot!!!

So I got the idea to blog from ….like a million people. It seems that everyone blogs and I needed to jump on the bandwagon. Ok, so you know that’s not my style. I thought it would be a great way for our family and friends to read about how our little family is doing…and growing. I will become a lot more computer savvy and get some pictures up for everyone to see, maybe even video…WoooHooo.
Ok so we have been in Provo since January of this year and experienced our first snow and it was beautiful. It was beautiful to see all the streets and trees and cars and sidewalks covered in snow it was like heaven. And then we ventured outside and it wasn’t as fun as we thought it might be and the novelty wore off! While here we have had to do a lot of adjusting to these changes especially not having family or friends around and I guess I was feeling like I was starting over again. Jose had to quickly jump into a demanding school schedule, work and of course, Mariachi. The Mariachi is what kept him sane I think. Jeter and I got to spend a lot of alone time together and well he’s clingier now than ever. After the winter semester was done, we went to Portland at the end of April. It was wonderful, going on our 1st vacation together. We figured out we are good traveling companions. We got to go to the Oregon Zoo, Chinese garden, rode on the light rail there and walked so much that I had to buy new shoes. Jose had a Ruben for the first time at an English pub in the city and he loved it! Portland was so green and lush. We stayed at Siovhan and David’s house which was gorgeous and so cozy. We hung out with Maggie and Maura, Siovhan and David’s little girls, they are the sweetest little girls you’ll meet with these beautiful bright eyes. While in Portland we also went to the Portland temple and got to do a session. On Sunday we went to church at a building nearby Siovhan’s house they had the best community of members of the church you could find. Portland was a nice break to Jose’s rigorous winter semester and my winter blues. In May we surprised my family and went home for the weekend for a baseball game where both my brothers got to throw out the first pitch. We got to eat Eegee’s and Peter Piper Pizza, my favorite.
Well, Jose has chosen to pursue medicine as a career so he will continue to have academic demands made on him for a long time to come and we will have our adventures somewhere in between. I will keep you all abreast. I guess this blog will be more from my point of view and maybe I’ll get him to submit something here and there. Thanks for checking in….
Los Peña