After our ultrasound...

Well, Jose and I got another ultrasound on September the 12th and we had some conflicting news that day.  As some of you know and as I've mentioned in my last post, I have been dealing with uterine fibroids.  My ultrasound was to see how the baby was doing but more so to see where and in what position my fibroids were in and why they were causing me so much pain.  The ultrasound confirmed position of the fibroids, which was favorable.  We found out we are having a little girl.  However, the ultrasound also found that our little girl has a severe birth defect called holoprosencephaly, it is a brain defect.   They explained to us that they would not know exactly her condition upon birth but that she would not survive past infancy.  The news has been quite devastating and has definitely tested our faith.

The doctors did give us the option of terminating the pregnancy but it was not really an option for Jose and I.  In subsequent ultrasounds we had seen our daughter move, in the ultrasound of the 12th we had seen her move and breath and we saw her strong little heart.  She is real.  Lately we have felt her move more, in the morning she moves the most, it has been amazing to feel her little kicks or punches.  I know this little one was meant to be mine and Jose's baby.  She chose us to be her parents!  I feel blessed if only to know that much.  So we have decided to carry her as long as we possibly can.  We have named her Eva Isabel Pena.  Baby Eva.

It has now been a little over 3 weeks since we received our news, we have gotten a little more information.  They did tell us that she could live for a few hours, days or months.  It does make it more difficult to make definite plans.  But I do long to hold my daughter.  We've been offered support from the hospital on developing a birth plan.  They have offered counseling when we need it, as well as the choice to speak with other couples that have gone through the same thing. 

Jose and I have been blessed with amazing families!  They have been comforters, they have been supporting and loving!  We could not ask for more that we have received from our families.  It has been quite a challenge to be dealing with this and being so far away in Utah but here to, we found, we have been blessed.  Our ward has been wonderful and helpful.  Because of the fibroid pain, there are times that I literally can do nothing but sit or lay.  I have had sisters in my ward offer to cook and clean for me and Jose or simply come and keep me company.  I have been feeling better in these last couple of weeks and I went back to work.  But I am grateful that the help is there when we need it.

I never imagined going through something like this, Jose and I had a plan.  Well its funny that we can plan all that we want but the plan meant for us is not always what we think.  I will have my good days and I will have my bad days, I know.  But at this time I just ask that our friends and our family think of us, pray for us and Baby Eva.  We can feel your love and prayers, believe me!

I will try to post more often, I will try to add pictures.  Thank you for your friendship, love and suppport.

Los Pena