It's been a year

I can't believe its been one year since we got our ultrasound and were told about Eva's condition. I am somewhat sentimental with dates, after all I am a woman...LOL! I mean we don't celebrate our 1st date or when he asked my mom for my hand etc.. However, I still have the 2008 calendar up in Eva's room with the "ultrasound" sticker on the date of our appointment, September 12th, I was 20 weeks and a day. Our families were all standing by to find out the sex of our little one, we were excited and anxious. We don't commemorate that date or anything but it certainly was the day that changed Jose and I forever. I just haven't been able to take it down yet.

I belong to a Yahoo group for Holoprosencephaly, it's a kind of support group. We, most of us newbies, have never met. But there is this clear sense of knowing each other, understanding each other, we worry with each other and celebrate milestones with each other. Just about every week/month there is a new member that just got a diagnosis for their baby of HPE. This month, those emails have taken me back to a year ago, I sounded just like them in my emails, looking for more answers than medical providers were giving us. There had to be more than what they were telling us. With every new member there is a repeat of the same story. I mean almost exactly. "Severe abnormalities, condition is not sustainable with life, termination is the most viable option" Although, some mothers state they haven't made the decision to terminate yet, I am of the strong belief that they have, they are seeking confirmation for what they feel, that there is more to their story. Although, Jose and I never considered termination, I know that is exactly what your instincts tell you. We are no longer in the time when the physician and his/her statements were the last word and thought. We can respectfully disagree and seek further answers and knowledge. With every new mother that comes into the group, I know that because they are seeking, they have a HoPE and a faith in them that they have yet to unlock. That's what these little babies do, they hold this key to unlock potential in us.

I look back and Jose and I were completely different people a year ago. We felt lost at times, vulnerable, like failures, we just couldn't wrap our brains around what was happening. Completely different from how we feel today! I mean we are only human and we still struggle, as I'm sure parenthood will do to anyone and we still don't know everything about tomorrow but boy are we HoPEful. Our path seems clearer everyday and our purpose more eternal. What I am confident we have figured out, is that the most important thing for us to do is never stop working at figuring it out...LOL!!

Most of our close friends and family have heard us say this, but here I am saying it out loud to the blogging world: "We want another baby, we want to have our family grow", Eva would make an amazing big sister and well we all know that Jose is a great example and well I'm a willing participant...lol! We've talked about it right after Eva was born that we wanted to try around the fall of '09 but I'll be honest as the time rolled closer it seemed a little scarier, a little crazier etc. So last month I totally thought I was pregnant and well it forced us to really see how we felt and thought about another baby, no longer in theory. Well, I currently am not pregnant but after last month we are more sure than ever that we want another baby. Eva has also confirmed that she has many pearls of wisdom to share with a little brother or sister!

What will next year bring?