And I digress...and Thank you!!

So it has been awhile since I have written on our blog, I guess I couldn’t really get all of my thoughts together.

As most of you know if you’ve been keeping up with our blog, our baby Eva was diagnosed in utero with a brain defect called holoprosencephaly it is a terminal defect.  Well still, up to our due date, were not given the best news on Eva’s condition.  However, Eva herself was doing fantastically.  She was and is a little fighter...she’s a Diaz all right!  Stubbornness, an affliction my brother claims affects only the Diaz women.  Well, I am grateful for that little fighter in Eva.  True to her nature she came out screaming.  I was totally out of it considering I was super drugged up while they were performing the c-section, I could hear my daughter’s cries as the doctor pulled her out and suctioned her.  It was the most emotional and amazing moment of my life to know that she was alive and really kicking.  Soon after her daddy brought her over to me, she had to go to the NICU, she stayed there for a week and a half. 

Side note:  I cannot say enough about how wonderful the nurses in the NICU are and about how they treated Eva and us.  They made us feel as though we were leaving our daughter with family.  Which was extremely important considering I needed to do some recovering from my c-section and couldn’t be with her every waking moment and her poor daddy tried to care for both of his girls.  I’m a lucky woman!!

We were very excited and for a moment completely forgot about Eva’s condition.  That is not until the test results came back and we had to meet with the doctors.  Jose and I were brought back to reality.  They told us that they were able to confirm her prognosis and that it had not changed.  They told us that our little one did not have long to live and that we should take her home as soon as we could so that we could start making memories with her.  Unfortunately they could not give us much more in answers, they could not tell us how long exactly Eva had, or the method in which she would die.  “Just take her home and comfort and love her”.  I cannot tell you the emotions that ran through both of us.  We had to face this news once before about 5 months prior and it was not any less potent 5 months later.  We, however, had family by our side this time.  Together with our family we have felt the burden of these feelings lessened.  Although we have strong emotions on occasion about our situation, we do not feel alone.  Jose and I are also very faithful, faithful and trusting in our Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation.  In particular our faith is put to the test here, Jose and I made covenants when we married in the Temple of our Lord, we made promises and the Lord made promises to us.  We are now tested on whether we truly believe in the promises made to us and whether we are faithful to keeping the promises we made.   Our faith and trust in God is what keeps us hopeful, hopeful that whether we will see our daughter grow up in this life or not, we will be with her in eternity.  Family, Friends, this is something we constantly work on; we work to fill our spiritual reserves, in order to call on them during our most difficult times.  We work together and we share in our faith of God’s plan and that has been our saving grace.  I can tell you that I know we do not do this alone.  We are so grateful for our family, for our loving friends.  We are so grateful for the messages on Facebook, on this blog and from all of you that think of us and pray for us.  We know that Heavenly Father is loving and merciful and has given us loving friends and family in order to get through this trial.  We are given the best support system here in Utah as well.  Eva is on pediatric homecare, they are amazing, we have medical support, a nurse Margaret, medical supplies, and we have a social worker and a Chaplin that checks in on us.  As well as Angel Watch, for most of you that have read previous blogs you know Angel Watch and Carolynn have been with us since diagnosis.  Jose and I love you and we miss the comforts of home but we know that our little one is being given the best care possible here.  We thank you, Thank you Thank you again for all of your support and love.  We want to share Eva with as many people as we can, we want to help Eva fulfill her purpose in this life, isn’t that what all parents are charged with?  Helping their children fulfill their purpose in this life!

We love you,

Los Peña