Waiting

Well, as usual, I'm behind on updates. I have so many but I'm sitting in the surgery waiting room of Primary's Children Medical Center waiting to hear on how Eva's surgery is going, and I thought I would post a few thoughts. I took some pictures of Eva this morning in her little hospital gown, she looked so stinken cute! I don't have the wire to connect the camera to the computer, so I'll have to post those pictures later. I'll probably have a few posts of just pictures.

It was a little awkward this morning sitting in the registration area waiting to be called and seeing so many kids waiting for procedures, I was nervous and felt out of place. The kids, however, just played with the toys, not looking any where near as anxious as their parents. Eva's procedure is supposed to take 2 hours and its been about an hour already. I was so emotional handing her over to the anesthesiologist at the end of our walk down a long hallway to the surgery area. I could not squeeze her and kiss her enough! Maybe all mothers feel this way but as a mother I just want to be there for every single thing she goes through. I want to hold her hand, hold her, comfort her, even though she may not need comforting. As an aunt, most of my nephews and nieces will attest to this, I wasn't exactly the most nurturing of Tias. My nephew stated once to my sister, after he found out I was applying as a flight attended (I was about 24years old), "I don't think Tia Gabby would be a good flight attendant, she would make the people get all of their own blankets!" I demanded they do everything themselves, I was not there servant! When they cried I wasn't always the most compassionate either, I would kind of get annoyed that they cried over nothing and would pretty much just tell them to suck it up. I couldn't stand whining or lazy little kids. I guess that's what happens when you don't have kids until your 30's?! I've been an aunt since I was 10 years old so I guess I became pretty comfortable in that role.

But motherhood....oh boy, different ball game! I have come to see my brothers and sisters and there parenting styles in a completely different light. I have come to understand what real love and compassion is, what it means to comfort an innocent child in new and scary experiences. Although Eva is not old enough or maybe does not have the understanding of these things for me to put into real practice these new found traits, I just feel them because of being her mother. Before getting pregnant, before having children, Jose and I had all these theories of how we would parent and what things we would do regarding discipline etc.. not that we can apply things necessarily with Eva but once you see your baby, your child, this little piece of you and your husband something happens. You could never imagine hurting them, or seeing them hurt or sad, and you certainly could not imagine being the one that inflicts any of these things. I guess we'll have to wait and see if these feelings continue when we have to deal with a screaming, tantrum throwing child...LOL!!! We know that our son will probably give us a run for our money but we are definitely looking forward to finding out!

Theories are great and its so ideal to plan and believe that all your plans will just work out as you dream they will, but one thing I have learned as a new parent, as a new wife, is that the best plan is a flexible one!

Well, our time is almost up for Eva's procedure to be done, I think I'm going to quietly wait for my perfect little girl! I can't wait to hold her and kiss her again!