We are bad picture takers....or posters...bloggers?!

After reading blogs and seeing the new Facebook timeline, I realized for the first time...we don't have any honeymoon pictures!

*******WARNING: If you don't want to hear complaining and if you only like fluffy, "My Life is Perfect" posts, stop reading now and go back to posting on your "My Life is Perfect" blog********

Ok, so I continue, cause after all this is my blog, my thoughts and if you don't like it, please refrain from posting comments, visiting my blog or really lets just stay acquaintances, I like my friends real and after all real people with real lives don't have ANYTHING perfect!!

I digress, so I really need to work on the memory making.  I've noticed their are two kinds of bloggers, the kind that are so creative and artistic and you just literally learn from their blogs.  They are positive but not fake, they have bad days and proudly display them, they apologies for gloomy posts but make no apologies about who they are and then there are the everything is beautiful and perfect in my life and whatever isn't I simply will never post it or I cut it out of my life! I admit I read both, the latter sometimes out of sheer obligation but the whole time is like major eye role!!!

So I will focus on the first blogger, I recently found a few, I love love love their pictures and this is what reminded me that I have no pictures of my honeymoon! We'll we kind of had a last minute honeymoon and the pictures we did have were on our phones (that we no longer own).  What I also love about these other bloggers is that they are of all different...let's say sizes, colors, heights etc...but they look amazing in every picture they take and are in! I really think the camera sees right through you, like where you are in life and how you feel about yourself...it doesn't lie or fake!  Or the photographer is amazing and it can help the camera do its job!

I will admit, that I have been aware of my not taking/posting pictures problem for awhile and I do have a ton of pictures since I've had kids (well a ton for me...anyway) but I haven't put them up.  I'm also kind of careful about what I want out there in the internet.  I have law enforcement in my family and I think that has something to do with it, I just don't want some pedophile searching on the internet for pictures and uses my kids!  I just do not like it when little kids are posed topless with only jewelry on or babies with only a tutu on, I know I might sound paranoid but if you heard the true stories I did you would take those off your internet accounts ASAP too!!  The other thing I figure, those closest to me will come to my home and see my pictures and look at my albums and be able to see the chronology of our lives!  I like that idea!

Facebook is nice and so is blogging but sometimes its like celebrity, don't put stuff out there that you don't want criticized or reposted somewhere else.  I am very conscious by the way of what I blog about too, Oprah once said, (and this was early 90's Oprah) "Don't put anything out there that you don't want in the front page of the New York Times" and that should help you be careful about what you write!  It doesn't mean you have to write fluff and perfect stuff only either!  What I like most about the real blogs is that they make me feel all is possible, a beautiful family, righteous living and all of this even with bad stuff along the way.

So I say, I am a recovering bad picture taker...and thank you to all you good bloggers and picture takers for your continued inspiration!

Alobar Holoprosencephaly...I can only speak for myself!

H-O-L-O-P-R-O-S-E-N-C-E-P-H-A-L-Y

Holoprosencephaly...I could hardly say it, let alone spell it, and this word changed my life forever 3 1/2 years ago.  I don't know why but lately I've been back there, in those first few days after we heard that diagnosis.  What I feel and remember is so real and raw sometimes, how can a word or a phrase or a moment change someone so much.  It did.  That day, I really really grew up.  I was in something that I could not change or have control over.  I was in all the way.  Never in my life previous had I experienced anything like that, I was a good runner, I could run away, I could let anything go that was "uncomfortable", but this I could not.

I have encountered many parents with children with similar diagnosis, and to be honest I admire their way of "seeming" to let go and just be "normal".  Maybe they say the same about me, but I guess I'm letting the cat out of the bag.  It hurts.  Sometimes I just want to grab Eva and hug her Well.  I want to hear her say momma so bad, I want her to want me and ask for me.  I want her to complain and laugh when I tickle her.  But when I hold her, I know she knows me and my silliness.  I know she knows all of that is not important. When I hold her, I do feel her holding me right back.

H-O-L-O-P-R-O-S-E-N-C-E-P-H-A-L-Y, I can spell it really fast now, I can say it without stutter.  Please ask me about Eva, Please don't just stare.  Please let your little children ask about her and not make them turn away.  I know with out a doubt in my mind, that even without language Eva can speak volumes to you.  Let me tell you about her.  Let me share her with you.

I may not Tweet, Facebook or Blog our every day lives.  I may not post medications that she takes, or post pictures of procedures she's had, but thank you to the parents that do, I know you educate by doing that, I'm not there yet.  Medically speaking what Eva has is what Eva has, what time she has is the time she has, there is no cure, there is no fix, there is only purpose.  I want to share with everyone who Eva is not what she has, and I don't know exactly how to do that.  I mean, the last, very last thing I want is for anyone to ever look at my daughter and Feel sorry for her or me.  I never want to put her in that light, Eva is happy being Eva and she teaches the rest of us that its ok, particularly mom! I'm still a little bit in a bubble about Eva, thus far my blogging has been about it, I'm working on it!

I am so proud of her work in therapy, about her going to school soon, about her cute long hair.  But I swear that little girl is a teacher!  She taught me how to spell, H-O-L-O-P-R-O-S-E-N-C-E-P-H-A-L-Y, M-O-T-H-E-R and more importantly F-O-R-E-V-E-R!

I can only speak for myself and our situation in regards to Alobar Holoprosencephaly, and how we live with it, what medical avenues we've chosen and what kind of intervention if any we will take.  It is not a condition that can be boxed, although a physician and a scientist may say different.  Although many children look similar, every single one of them is different.  Although some parents may want to be an HPE experts they can only be an expert on their child, not any one else's.

If you find yourself there, If you find yourself hearing a doctor utter that word to you, remember two things. You are not alone and You are the captain of the ship, it is your child and your decision, physicians are there to provide guidance and answer questions but it is all your decision!

I leave you with these thoughts, I needed to just get them out there!

Boy have I been waiting for this one!!

Words can not express the emotions that have gone on these last few weeks or month in our home!  We literally have had an abundance of support and blessings, "the heavens have poured out her blessings" on us! Brothers and Sisters, Friends, Family, perfect Strangers...the Lord hears and answers our prayers! If you didn't know this, KNOW it, if you KNEW it, don't forget it, if you want to know, ASK Him, go to Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit!!!

First of all....I have been waiting, some days not so patiently, waiting to post this:

JOSE GOT INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL, he has been invited to Indiana University's School of Medicine's class of 2016, that is right, he did it and as I stated above...the Lord answers prayers!  I know Jose will do wonderfully in medical school, I know that he can compete with the best of them.  I also know that the Lord's hand was in his getting accepted!  Jose worked hard after very difficult back to back semesters, when we found out about Eva's diagnosis and when Eva was born.  He spent the next almost two years trying to recover.  On paper and by grades and scores, he did not seem so competitive(in the MD arena anyway)...shame on you schools who did not take your opportunity to interview him and really get to know who he was, shame on you not seeing this diamond in the rough!!


Hooray Indiana...for your insight in choosing first of all to interview Jose and then for inviting him into your class!

Jose got into Indiana (top ranking medical school by the way) after only 2 rounds of interviewee considerations (2 rounds from his interview date).  His interview trip to Indiana was full of blessings from the moment he got his interview day (on his birthday), to finding a great person to stay with (transplant surgeon), to getting a great interviewer, a physician (who first hand had experienced having a very sick child)...coincidence or the Lord's hand at work?  My husband is a hard worker, honest and true! But we ultimately thank our Father in Heaven for His constant watch over our family and Jose!

Heavenly Father, clearly, asks us to do the work, Jose did just that, he also encourages us to not only remember Him in thanksgiving but to ask for what we want (righteously of course)!  What have you done for Him lately or for your neighbor?  I ask myself this question all of the time.  In our case I feel that Heavenly Father's blessings are this constant reminder for us NEVER to forget to serve His children.  I may not have grandiose means to serve His children, but I am reminded that I can serve Him without grand gestures, just pure intentions!

I can't really begin to explain the wonderful wonderful inspired people that we find in our lives.  Amazing, thoughtful, generous and kind people who have taught us the meaning of being a servant of Christ.  Where I have seen the dark in people I have seen 10 more with love, generosity and kindness!  That has been a blessing.

I hope I never forget this moment in our lives....

I have been waiting to blog about these feelings, waiting to get that oh so big news, but as I sit her typing I realize, there are no words powerful enough to express the way I feel!  Its BIG and I'm with a full heart!

I hope friends and family that you can help hold me accountable for these words I share with you today, for these feelings that are so big and that you help me remember!!

Jose and I are fully aware that any journey we take in life big or small does not have to be alone, we have never been alone.  Even in the furthest place from people we knew, from our family....we were never alone.  Loneliness is a feeling we chose to have or not to have.  I had to tell myself that many times, we really are never alone.  Jose and I welcome this new journey and chapter in our lives, we maybe moving 2,000 miles away from our family but we know we are never alone.

The world is smaller than we know and time goes faster than we care to acknowledge.  Let's make the most of this wonderful chance at life we have been given, that's how it should be from the get go, right?

Anyway, its been an overwhelming month, weeks and few days!

I can't wait to see whats around that corner!

The Articles of Faith

So I committed to myself this year I would blog more, I've committed to that like a hundred times so bare with me...LOL! Anyhow this post came from a small prompting as I was thinking of what I would like to share, outside of my family situation, in a blog. The Articles of Faith are thirteen statements of LDS beliefs, they were written in order to explain our beliefs as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! Here they are:

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression

3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; Second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul--We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Writing this blog has allowed me to remember the promises I made in baptism and the covenants I entered into. As I share these beliefs, these Articles of Faith, I am reminded that there are some things I do not honor so well and that I must do a better job. If you have any further questions on these articles or other beliefs of the LDS church, please feel free to stop by at LDS.org or Mormon.org

Happy Happy New Year!!!

Looking back on 2011, as years past, it was pretty memorable and full of learning opportunities!

Jose graduated from BYU, Evandro celebrated his 1st birthday, Eva has continued to gain weight, and work hard for her physical therapist and well for myself, I went back to school and felt pretty triumphant with finishing the semester with all As (if you know me and know my past academics, that is quite a triumph!). We moved twice in 2011, celebrated 4 years of marriage and the best news of all came on December 16th in the way of a phone call, Jose was invited to A.T. Still University for medical school. I can't explain the weight that was lifted with that phone call for both of us (temporarily anyway, to be explained later).

I have watch for the last 4 years as Jose has met every challenge that this career choice has put in front of him, personally, academically and spiritually. He has risen to every occasion, some times gracefully and well, some times not so gracefully...LOL!! There is much much more to face, and it is a lot more complicated than just getting this first acceptance, I won't bore anyone with the immediate details but if anyone's children are interested in medical school or if you are planning on that path, feel free to ask!

This New Year was wonderful, basking in the Arizona sun, it was 77 degrees on New Year's Eve, chilly at night but the days were amazing! We got to spend time with family, both Jose's and mine, we hadn't done that in a long time. Ironically, we have only began to enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona, when we moved back in late April/May, Provo was still chilly, and we had been just coming out of our winter hibernation...LOL! When we came to Arizona, it was 100 (million) degrees and well we went into a summer hibernation! So fall time in Arizona is heavenly, hiking, playing in the park, biking, running! Its just gorgeous from October to about April.

What will 2012 bring? Well, so far it has brought a new wheelchair stroller for Eva, she looks like such a big girl in her chair and it helps her interact so much more than her baby chair did! In a few weeks Ms. Eva turns 3 years old and once again reaching a milestone. 2012 will bring one to two moves (my favorite...not!), the start of Jose's medical training, and I'm sure many more challenges to face as well as lessons to learn.

I am grateful for the selfless people in our lives that have helped us face our challenges, that have supported us when we didn't know where to turn or where help would come from. This last year was full of the Lord's blessings and merciful love. He has touched our hearts to help us serve, he has touched others hearts who have served us!

I have a very strong testimony that our Father in Heaven hears our prayers and that He knows our every thought, desire and heartache. I know He loves us and is ready to help us if we are just willing to ask and humble ourselves.

I have high hopes for 2012, I pray that I will be ready to meet any challenge with the help of my Father in Heaven!

Happy Happy 2012 to you my friends and family!!

Tis the Season...for TAMALES!!

This that time of year when the Christmas decorations go up and hardworking Mexican women brave prepare their kitchens for tamale making! So this was my first year in a very very long time making tamales, for the last three Christmas seasons I've been in Utah and previous to that....well I was a single gal and frankly spending very late nights spreading masa was not really on my agenda (I know bad girl)! In my family my oldest sister, Cata, has taken the lead and selflessly has helped preserve the traditions of our grandmothers. There is almost a whole day dedicated to just making the meat and chile and to preparing the masa for spreading! We then have to soak corn husks so that they are soft and pliable. After all that people are so anxious to eat tamales that we are willing to stay up to wee hours of the morning spreading masa on the husks, so my sister can add the meat, close them up and put them in the tamale pot (huge huge pot that fits like 13 dozen tamales!). It's really like a two to three night event and the first night your so excited for the tamales that sleep is just not an option...LOL!! By the next night you can probably only hang till about midnight and since my sister works that just about takes up her whole weekend so then we extend it to the following weekend. Its like a love love hate relationship for the tamale preparer. You love love the wonderful memories they prompt of your grandmother of simpler days of Christmas and family time. However, it is so labor intensive a tinge of hate creeps in as you spread and spread and spread that masa on each and every odd shaped corn husk, they never seem to end. But then the love comes back as you smell them and then get to taste the first tamale, like having a baby maybe, you just forget and enjoy!
The last two nights Jose and I helped make tamales and boy were we pooped and all we did was spread masa, imagine how the preparer feels, my mom and my sister...what would we all do without them?!

Thank you for keeping tradition, thank you for teaching it, I promise I will preserve it and pass it down to my children! I will sign off now and I'm off to eat Chocolate Abuelita and a tamalito!!

Well Here We Are

I guess if I posted more consistently I would be so far behind on pictures and wouldn't be jumping all over the place! Well, here we are 7 months in Arizona and almost 8 months since Jose graduated from BYU. In the time since graduation, we have moved, started new services for Eva in Arizona, Vandro had a 1st birthday and started to walk, Jose took the MCAT, and undertook the very grueling task of applying to 16 medical schools and received 16 secondaries (to a primary application), has received two rejections and 6 interview invitations, Moved again, Vandro runs (not just walks) and "plays" soccer, Eva has grown about 2 inches and is waiting for her big girl car seat and big girl stroller wheelchair, and mom returned to school (Mom, Gabby)!

It really feels like a lot has happened but on the same token, we feel in the same place. All of Jose's medical school interviews have been insightful and exciting. Every time he has an interview, his desire to become a physician is confirmed! I can not tell you how amazing it is to see your spouse as their best self. Jose just lights up with anything medical, we are so grateful for being this far on our journey. The interesting part is that there is so much more waiting to be done with respect to applying and getting accepted into medical school. He has gotten as far as the interview process and well that's huge and great, the more interviews the better chance of you getting into some where. However, it can be from now till March and the latest July before we could potentially get an answer of, Yes (your accepted into our school), No (sorry but no offer) or Waitlisted (we want you but there is no space for you)...the latter two would seriously be heartbreaking so we're going for a solid YES! The waiting is torture!!!!

In the meantime, Jose applied to be a substitute teacher at a couple of school districts here in Tucson and adjusting to being with the babies (and their schedules) more, which I think makes him miss school a lot more than he thought...LOL!! We are really enjoying our time together, Jose and I and the babies!

I will try to post more often, hence have more pictures!