Mother's Day

Yesterday I sat in Eva's hospital room holding her and I realized I was holding both of my children at the same time. It's not like it was the first time that it happened, I guess it was the first time I realized it. It was an awesome feeling!

Well we're going on our third day here at Primary Children's Medical Center. Eva is doing as well as we hoped. The first night was difficult, they had a hard time getting her seizures under control and so it was a really hard night. I had warned them about her seizures, I had warned them about her vitals but I guess they didn't believe me. So there was some panic. They also didn't seem to believe me about her medication dose and so they didn't give her what she is used to getting. It was a bit frustrating not being able to do anything and of course just not understanding the pharmacology behind their decisions. We got a consult from the neurology department the next day and it was a huge relief to her back on her medication and to her baseline.

This afternoon they started her gtube, some meds and very little formula. They are just wanting to see how her stomach reacts. So far Eva has been handling things like a champ. Tonight they only started with 5mL of formula at a time and every four hours they will increase by 5mL until they get to her usual dose. They just want to see what her stomach and nissen procedure will do, so far its looking good!

These last 15 months have gone by so fast i can't believe how big Eva is, how much Jose and I have changed and grown. We continue to progress in our goals. Jose graduates in less then a year, we are 7 months away from our 3 year wedding anniversary and about 6 weeks away having our second child. I know this may sound crazy but today I had this flash of our son becoming a parent and I had an amazingly overwhelming feeling of pride and joy! I know its a bit premature, since he hasn't even been born yet!

I can say that as of late, I have become very conscious of what we choose in life today impacts even our distant tomorrows. I know that when I think of our future, our children, Jose as a physician, our future home, being grandparents, future missionaries, I feel so happy! I feel so hopeful, it is those visions of our future that remind me everyday to seek counsel from the Lord about all of our decisions. I know that because of these visions I want to make sure that my decisions are based on the future outcomes. I am so grateful for the blessings in our lives, I am so grateful for the trials that help us grow and for the reminders of my role as a mother in Zion!

Waiting

Well, as usual, I'm behind on updates. I have so many but I'm sitting in the surgery waiting room of Primary's Children Medical Center waiting to hear on how Eva's surgery is going, and I thought I would post a few thoughts. I took some pictures of Eva this morning in her little hospital gown, she looked so stinken cute! I don't have the wire to connect the camera to the computer, so I'll have to post those pictures later. I'll probably have a few posts of just pictures.

It was a little awkward this morning sitting in the registration area waiting to be called and seeing so many kids waiting for procedures, I was nervous and felt out of place. The kids, however, just played with the toys, not looking any where near as anxious as their parents. Eva's procedure is supposed to take 2 hours and its been about an hour already. I was so emotional handing her over to the anesthesiologist at the end of our walk down a long hallway to the surgery area. I could not squeeze her and kiss her enough! Maybe all mothers feel this way but as a mother I just want to be there for every single thing she goes through. I want to hold her hand, hold her, comfort her, even though she may not need comforting. As an aunt, most of my nephews and nieces will attest to this, I wasn't exactly the most nurturing of Tias. My nephew stated once to my sister, after he found out I was applying as a flight attended (I was about 24years old), "I don't think Tia Gabby would be a good flight attendant, she would make the people get all of their own blankets!" I demanded they do everything themselves, I was not there servant! When they cried I wasn't always the most compassionate either, I would kind of get annoyed that they cried over nothing and would pretty much just tell them to suck it up. I couldn't stand whining or lazy little kids. I guess that's what happens when you don't have kids until your 30's?! I've been an aunt since I was 10 years old so I guess I became pretty comfortable in that role.

But motherhood....oh boy, different ball game! I have come to see my brothers and sisters and there parenting styles in a completely different light. I have come to understand what real love and compassion is, what it means to comfort an innocent child in new and scary experiences. Although Eva is not old enough or maybe does not have the understanding of these things for me to put into real practice these new found traits, I just feel them because of being her mother. Before getting pregnant, before having children, Jose and I had all these theories of how we would parent and what things we would do regarding discipline etc.. not that we can apply things necessarily with Eva but once you see your baby, your child, this little piece of you and your husband something happens. You could never imagine hurting them, or seeing them hurt or sad, and you certainly could not imagine being the one that inflicts any of these things. I guess we'll have to wait and see if these feelings continue when we have to deal with a screaming, tantrum throwing child...LOL!!! We know that our son will probably give us a run for our money but we are definitely looking forward to finding out!

Theories are great and its so ideal to plan and believe that all your plans will just work out as you dream they will, but one thing I have learned as a new parent, as a new wife, is that the best plan is a flexible one!

Well, our time is almost up for Eva's procedure to be done, I think I'm going to quietly wait for my perfect little girl! I can't wait to hold her and kiss her again!

So many updates...but I'll start here!

Well, I think I'm going to take it as a compliment that so many people have been scolding me for not updating my blog. Well, so much has happened since I last posted. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and I can't believe that our bouncing baby boy is so close to joining our family! Can you believe I'm going to be a mother of two, just two years ago I was a newlywed and now I am going to be a mother of two!! Well, to be fair I am going to learn more about day to day baby stuff from our son, but I know that I have certainly learned how to love like a mother from Eva!

The last few months have been a blur, Jose is now done with school for the summer and for once taking a long deserved break. He will hold off from taking the MCAT and applying for medical school this summer in order to focus more on us and on him. He seems really happy with his decision and that makes me happy with his decision. Eva has continued to have eating issues, we just have not been able to get the throwing up under control, we blame the seizures, acid reflux but really we know that due to her condition there will always be something. I have stated in past posts that, I don't want to fix my daughter, but I would love to make her comfortable. She is such a brave girl who teaches all of us every day. Eva is still weighing only 11lbs and quite small, she is about 26 inches...but the cutest little princess you will ever see!

Just this last week we went to see the pediatric surgeon to talk about Eva's options for g-tube, a g-tube or a gastric (another word for stomach) feeding tube is a tube inserted through a small incision in the abdomen into the stomach and is used for long-term feeding. While we visited with the doctor he suggested that she get a Nissen fundoplication as well. The Nissen fundoplication is basically an extra step to ensure Eva will not throw up, what it does is improves the natural barrier between the stomach and the esophagus by wrapping a part of the stomach known as the gastric fundus around the lower esophagus. It will prevent the flow of acids from the stomach into the esophagus and strengthens the valve between the esophagus and stomach. We have scheduled the surgery for this upcoming Tuesday, May 11th at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City. It is supposed to be a very routine and simple surgery (for the surgeon...lol), it will be done laparoscopically, which is by a very tiny incision to accommodate small tubes, a passageway for special surgical instruments and a laparoscope. A laparoscope is a fiber-optic instrument that is inserted in the abdominal wall, it sends images from the stomach to a video monitor, so the surgeon can operate with those special surgical instruments. Ok that was a basic explanation but as sophisticated as I get! As of today, we scheduled Eva to have the g-tube with the Nissen fundoplication but Jose and I have felt that we need to pray and make sure that it is still the right decision for her. Our surgeon was extremely reasonable in letting us schedule while we are still deciding on the lengthier part of the procedure. We have until the day of surgery to change our minds and only have the g-tube done. I know that makes me feel more in control. There is no fear like the one a parent feels to hand their child over to someone else, and just trust that they will make the best decisions from there on out. We feel really comfortable with our surgeon and his staff, the hospital seems great and those things really aid in comforting us. I know that the hand of the Lord is very much present because the fear that I have comes from my own brain, He is there to wrap His loving arms around Jose and I in reassurance that His plan is in full effect and no matter what happens He will always be there to comfort and love. I guess it makes me feel like Eva will never be alone, even though I won't be with her in surgery, its funny though, she is soooo much stronger than I could be. I look at that baby and she has no fear! She is the reason I guess I can't!

Well, since my last post I have also found out I have gestational diabetes. Boy does it bite to have a restriction of diet when you crave all the wrong things, I am forced to practice discipline, a lesson I have greatly needed. So we are back seeing the perinatologist, I am getting weekly non-stress tests to check on the baby. They basically hook me up to a monitor and monitor for contractions, baby movement, heart rate etc... I just lay there for about an hour and get to listen to our son! Its not cool to go to the doctor every week but its so wonderful and soothing to be able to hear our baby! I also am getting monthly ultrasounds. My sugars are doing pretty good, I have some bad readings but they are not bad by much, and I usually know exactly why! I do know, however, that once you have had gestational diabetes the chance of getting it in subsequent pregnancies is pretty darn high, as well as getting it later in life. Healthy eating habits and exercise are not only essential but life saving! Well, I know that I have been steadily gaining weight (and being pregnant for two years doesn't help) but this has certainly been an eye opener. Of the four risk factors I meet all four, being older than 30 (some sites say 25 years), family history, being overweight (which kills me, cause if you knew me from before I was always very thin, with no effort), and Race - Hispanic!

Well, I can't really complain about any part of our situation, there are too many blessings around to do that! This post is quite long and I have still so many other amazing things to talk about. I'll have to post that a little later...but we did have wonderful baby shower in Tucson for our son and it was amazing and fun! Eva's hair is growing like a weed! I am as big as a house! All these pictures I have to post, soon I promise. Today is the beginning of my Mother's Day weekend and I have to go, I woke up to the most amazing little surprises and we are on our way to the Tulip Festival (my favorite flower), lunch (Brazilian...hmm meat!) and then our ward Mother's Day party and dance (Salsa, Merengue, Bachata...we'll see if I have any moves in me!)

Have a great Mother's Day weekend!!!

Los Peña