The Un-Pause...I needed that!

Monday June 16, 2014...This was the day of the "un-pause"!

Today (well Monday...since its like 2am on Tuesday), the kids and I headed out to Chicago to visit with the Beers!  You know the Beers...David and Cassie, Naomi and Sydney (born 2013)!

June 9, 2013 Spanish Fork, UT

This year we could not make it out to Arizona, we could not put flowers on your gravesite, we could not visit Utah and all the wonderful people that knew you and us with you!  Today we just went to visit the Beers.  Vandro and Camila played with Naomi and Sydney, we had lunch and then played in the backyard and the baby pool.  Just a fun day with friends!  David bought little cupcakes for Vandro and Naomi's upcoming birthdays (June 21st & 28th).  It was a fun day.  We packed up after what seemed like a fast afternoon, and headed back to Indy.  Except when I got in the car and drove away and as I looked at your brother and sister fast asleep in there car seats....memories came flooding back!  The winter you born, the pizza at our house with the Beers, General Conference at their tiny apartment in Provo, their new home and our "mommy" dates their.  Cassie and I's pregnancies.  And June 2012, the last week you were with us. The Beers, Vandro and Naomi playing and for the last now three summers, us singing an early Happy Birthday to Vandro and Naomi.  And my heart ached for you.  I can not tell you though, what a blessing today was, to be with friends, to talk about you, to remember you, to remember our times in Provo.  I felt you there with us, with the Beers!

The last week of your life, we spent it in Utah, we had so much fun, we forgot to take a lot of pictures...I always thought, "oh, I'll do it next time".  We stayed with the Beers and we visited all of our favorite Utah people.  Oh, but I have the memories, how much Naomi loved you, how she couldn't wait for you and Vandro to stay in her home!

David Keller

Susan Keller

June 11, 2012 Page, AZ

Last year, we remembered to take pictures...we took a lot of pictures!

June 2013 Cougareat

June 2013

Birthday boy and girl, June 2013

Vandro is quite the trooper!

Today we played, we laughed, we had joy!  The heartache will never completely cease, I know that, but I know that it is our Father in Heaven's wish that we have joy.  That we love the lives He's given us, I love my life, I love my children, I love your father...my heart hurts when I think of kissing you, holding you!  But I know that mortality is filled with trials, and it is the trials that make the sweet times, sweeter!

The babies

 

June 2014 Birthday cake

"My big sister soars in heaven"

And here we go, the un-pause.  Its my new year, its time to move forward, to look towards the new adventures, the new memories...and Eva, you will be right there with us!  I love you my Angel daughter!  THANK YOU BEER FAMILY for a wonderful day, that meant more than you know!!

My Dearest Evita,

I can't believe its two years today.  I can't believe its been that long since I've held you or kissed your face.  This year will be the year of the unpause.  Since you left I have felt like time has stood still, except it hadn't, I had.  

Today we will think of you, remember you and the promises made by our Heavenly Father! Families are Forever, I know this is true.  Till We meet again, my sweet angel.

Till then you will forever be in our hearts.

Happy Birthday Eva - 2nd Birthday in Heaven!

After your Phoenix Pizza Party, with cousin Corrine!

Singing Happy Birthday to you at our favorite Pizza Place (3rd Birthday)!

My Dear Eva, 

Happy 5th Birthday, its your 2nd birthday in Heaven.

Last year was rather quiet around our house, I still felt raw and tender and my heart still ached in a different way than it aches today.

So, last year, we remembered, we remembered the details of your birth; our family and close friends that helped welcome you into our family. We remembered the feelings that surrounded that day.

I remembered what you sounded like, felt like and looked like.

I remember the wonderful nurses that put up with my hourly calls to see how you were in the NICU while I recovered.

I remember the immediate need to protect you, a feeling I had never felt for another human being before. 

Your last birthday with us, your pizza party in Phoenix and your swim party in Tucson!! How you loved the water!

Happy Birthday my Beautiful Angel!!

Eva when I think of you my heart is full, because of you my heart is full when I look at your brother and sister.

Because of you, I feel so grateful to be their mother.

Because of you I am so grateful to hear them cry out for me.

Because of you I am so grateful to catch every one of their kisses and hugs.

Because of you I don’t take for granted how quickly time flies.

Eva on January 28, 2009 you gave me the greatest gift bestowed to a woman…motherhood!  

I dreamt of you, I prayed for you…and you certainly gave me more than I expected. You have and will always be my perfect child!

Because of you I found out some great things about me, things I could never have been with out you in my life; qualities about me that I probably would have hid away for far too long.

Because of you I want more, I want to know more, give more and be more.

Because of you, Evandro and Camila have all of me.

There is not a moment that goes by that you are not missed, there is not a prayer that is said that you are not mentioned or celebration in our home that you are not included.  I will never forget you, your father, your brother and sister will never forget you!

Happy Birthday My Angel Daughter, Eva Isabel Peña, "some only dream of angels, I held one in my arms" 

We made some cupcakes to share for your birthday!!

It was a little too late for sissy so she was in bed!