Its a Boy!!!!

Well I am now 23 weeks, this week and feeling great....really big but great! We had an amazing ultrasound experience with this baby! First of all...ITS A BOY!!! I know most of our family knows but this blog serves to let our far away friends know too. The nerves don't completely go away but we are definitely excited and so many things are going through our minds. Things that we let go when we got Eva's diagnosis. All the exciting things we anticipated for Eva like all the firsts, walking, first tooth, first words! I mean just to see a baby grow and change in months.

We are talking for the first time again, about discipline, vacations, schools, hopes and dreams for our baby. Its this whole exciting aftermath we just didn't have after Eva's ultrasound. I also can't stop thinking about our little Eva in this whole equation. I want to raise loving and compassionate children, ones that will love and care for their big sister. Again, as always, I have to say why Eva is such a blessing to our family, I know that she will make us all better people, better, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, neighbors and better Latter-day Saints!! I also feel that its time for us to buckle down on routine in our home, to make sure that our new son has the most normal life. I am so grateful to have a wonderful husband the father of my children, I am so grateful that, even though it has been difficult at times, I am able to be a stay home mom. I am truly grateful that (thus far) we have been on the same page in terms of our goals, Jose knows that I don't demand a new car, new things for our home, vacations or new clothes. And I know the same about him, we made our goals when we got married, we came to Utah for a purpose and we began our family in the same manner. We have not side tracked, we haven't been distracted YET! It's hard, I have to admit, not having "things" that we see others with, or sometimes to distinguish between needs and wants but really we have no worries, we have no unnecessary debt, he is moving forward with school as a top priority and we have been able to continue to build our family. As we have talked about this baby we almost almost convinced ourselves we needed a new car, a bigger car, I mean we will be a family of four. I have been looking comparing and figuring out the best way to buy this car/suv and pay it off before he graduates or by his first year of medical school. And then I went over to a friends house and they are having twins, did I say twins! They have there compact car and two car seats, its just what I needed to see to get perspective. We have a car that is paid off, first of all we have a car and its safe and it fits the needs of our family today. So needless to say, issue dropped, for now, until we can evaluate needs vs. wants again.

Every time I do want to worry, I pray, each and every prayer has been answered! I know how fortunate we are, we have luxuries that may not seem like luxuries to those that live "of the world" but those that "live in the world" and still strive to do what is ultimately best for their families, I know understand. We have a home, we have a loving, stable relationship, we have a growing family, and a loving extended family, we have a vehicle to get us to where we need to go, we have food always on the table...and did I say, love love love! So cheesy I know! There are a lot of new people I have met since moving out here and a lot of old friends I have reconnected with since facebook...lol...a lot of you I have on our blog list. I love to read your stories, on how you serve your families and especially you moms on how you strive to be the best example to your children. You are such an example to me! I love going to church every Sunday, it seems that when I'm looking to be reminded that we are on the right track there is some Sunday school or Relief Society lesson on that particular subject. This Sunday in Relief Society it was on Sacrifice. I was reminded that everyday decisions need to be made based on an eternal perspective not a mortal perspective and when we do that which is eternal we will always lived a blessed life, regardless of the trials!

We still have a lot that is too come, not just with a new baby but as always with Eva. She continues on hospice, which has been the best for us. She will soon be evaluated by a Peds GI doctor, just to make sure that there are no other problems and we also will soon be seeing a Peds Surgeon to start discussing Eva's g-tube. Which my understanding is pretty routine, its just not routine to us. I'm hoping to get it all done before I'm too big and the new baby comes. I really want to know what we're doing with Eva before I need to figure out what I'm doing with a newborn. Eva is doing well, she still is a little shrimp but as I talk to other HPE parents and see other HPE kids, Eva seems to be right on track. She is the same size as all the other kids with HPE at her age, she is about 11lbs and measures 26 inches and just holding steady. I expected that she would drop far behind the normal growth chart sooner or later. I know that whether the child is the most severe HPE or the least, it may not make a difference. It's all about the brain. At first I was worried but now I just realize that Eva is doing what Eva is supposed to be doing and I am proud of her. My daughter is different and I know that I will need to continue to remind myself of that when I want to compare her to other children.

I love my Heavenly Father, who, despite my imperfections, is so loving and merciful and has granted me all my hearts desires! I am grateful for my perfect daughter who teaches us everyday and I will continue to be thankful for every day we are blessed with her in our home. I know that Eva's time is limited here on earth, it maybe for a few more days, a few more months, or even a few more years but we will cherish every minute!

EVA'S GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER EVA'S GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER

Pictures of Youmna

Here are some pictures that my friend Hadeel sent me of Youmna and her brother and sister! What a sweet angel, may she rest in peace!

Youmna

This week my very good friend, Hadeel Sayyed, in Palestine had to say farewell to her sweet baby girl, Youmna. Youmna had Alobar Holoprosencephaly, the same condition as Eva, she had seizures and temperature problems. Youmna was only 2 weeks younger than Eva, she died just a few days shy of her 1st birthday. Hadeel is an absolutely wonderful mother, who went through things we could not imagine here in the States. She went months without being able to bring her baby home. Here in the states that may be the case for some parents but they have the luxury of visiting their child all day if they wanted to, they were never denied time with there little ones. When Youmna was in the NICU or their version of it, Hadeel was given a 2 hour time limit a day to see her little girl. When she wrote to me she shared how grateful she was to be with her even for that short amount of time, she never spent her time complaining, she shared her feelings, her feelings of longing to hold her child whenever she wanted to, she wanted to care for her child but was not allowed to. We have luxuries that others don't such as not having to go through check points with soldiers deciding whether you could pass or not, and making it impossible to see your baby in the hospital. The best hospital was far away from her home and there were soldier check points to go through, it was scary and you weren't sure everyday what They would decide about your travels. We are very fortunate to live in this country and have access to medical care that others do not. Hadeel actively sought help, she contacted other parents in the states to try and figure out how to help her little girl. She never whined or complained when her daughter was in the hospital for months without having access to her. We should be grateful for all this country affords us!

Hadeel had hard days and sought comfort from friends and family but always remained strong, she had two other children to take care of and a life that had to go on, regardless of her situation with her daughter. She is someone that I immediately felt a strong connection to, she never felt like she was the only one going through what she was going through, she was always sympathetic and concerned for others, she is such an example to me of what a mother should be, of what a woman should be. Womanhood, I believe, is defined by HoPE! Womanhood, is a woman who knows a difficult situation but does not seek pity, she looks only to improve the world around her. She sees life through hopeful and positive eyes. She is not superficial or juvenile.

To my very good friend Hadeel Sayyed....I love you, I admire you and someday my friend we will see each other in person but till then we will always be in touch!