On January 28th Eva will be 1 year old! I can't believe that our little girl is turning 1! So many things run through my mind when I think back a year ago and all that transpired and how this day seemed a million years away. We will be celebrating Eva's birthday on January 30th. One year to that date, we received the most horrible confirming news, her MRI results came back and she also had her first seizure that morning, they told us "your daughter has Alobar Holoprosencephaly and she does not have very long to live". I can remember that day like it was yesterday. Just two days prior we welcomed our baby girl into the world and where so excited and caught up with the new parent feeling, when they confirmed her diagnosis, told us to take her home and make as much memories we could because she had such little time left. Those words, were mind blowing, Jose and I have never hurt so much. Getting to her 1st birthday seemed impossible! But here we are, celebrating her year of life and still taking things one day at a time.
I know that being Eva's mom has changed me forever, it has changed me not only as a person but as a mother. I don't know what kind of mother I would be without having Eva, I guess I'll never know but I know that because of her I will cherish everyday with all of my [future] children. I know that I not only want to raise healthy, happy children, I want to raise loving, compassionate children who want to serve others. Eva definitely is a tough act to follow for any sibling and for us as parents! Because of her, I know the person I want to be (I'm still working everyday on that) and the people I want in my life.
I love looking at pictures of those first few days, months, I'm sure most mothers do, I can't believe how much she has changed. She hasn't really grown that much, she still is tiny, about the size of a 3 month old, but she has changed, she is my little woman! I love to see her with her dad and how he cuddles her and loves her. My big brother told me that, "having a child would make you forget the life you had and who you were before them". He said, "everything that you thought was important then would seem so ridiculous". And he was right, it is so much easier to make "me" decisions now, I just think of my daughter and who I want her to know I am and decision made! I don't know if it's because I'm an "older" mom or if its who I would always have been with kids but I just feel like this is my time to be a mother and its the best time of my life. I don't desire the things, places or people I did in my 20's. As most of you who knew me when...I was always out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday etc...you get the picture, Me is all I cared about. I guess its a normal 20's thing, its all about how things will effect you, I think that Heavenly Father just knew I was too self-centered to find and appreciate a good husband or appreciate motherhood and its awesome responsibility so he made me wait. And I am very very grateful!
Your first child is special...as I'm sure the proceeding children will be...but this is the first experience you have with real real love! I remember after Eva was born looking at my husband in a different light, I saw him too with real real love, to know that together we brought this perfect little creature into the world and started our family, just made me love him more!
Happy Birthday Sweet girl...Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, I hope we make you proud!!!
Mommy and Pappa!!!
